Re: Is there anything you regret?
Short answer: Yes, but I'm working on it.
Longer answer:
Anyone with values, living as a normal, functioning human being will experience regret. People are emotional, make mistakes, act without knowing/considering consequences, have unmet expectations, and things don't always go their way; it's unavoidable. But regret is contextual, and what matters is how we deal with it.
When I was in the third grade, I was having fun out on the playground and I threw a snowball at a classmate. I was reported, and got into "big" trouble, which resulted in a scolding from my teacher, having to make a written apology, and having my parents called. That was a big deal, and it totally sucked. I regretted throwing that snowball after receiving punishment.
I've experienced regret after spreading rumors about friends, failing to get into my college of choice, intentionally aggravating my girlfriend, not maintaining my car and having it break beyond repair, and not getting a job after botching an interview. Some disappointments were more difficult to deal with than others.
But I'm working on it. As our lives progress (e.g. from child to teen to adult), the stakes rise; the scope of potential consequences for our actions increases. But also our understanding of ourselves, and our connection to the world. In the end, what's important is our hierarchy of values. And these values change as we grow, altering our reactions to regretful things.
My current primary values involve growing, learning, and evolving. Experiencing, exploring, and being passionate. Being happy. Then comes the job, the college, the car, etc. When I experience regret, I make earnest attempts at growing and learning from it. Becoming stronger and smarter. Acknowledging it, and then moving on. And that's the way that I think regret should be dealt with. Not ignored or repressed. Not by obsessing or being overly emotional. Those are convenient reactions, and we all may fall into them every now and then. But maintaining a strong hierarchy of values can prevent regret from eating us up on the inside.
Longer answer:
Anyone with values, living as a normal, functioning human being will experience regret. People are emotional, make mistakes, act without knowing/considering consequences, have unmet expectations, and things don't always go their way; it's unavoidable. But regret is contextual, and what matters is how we deal with it.
When I was in the third grade, I was having fun out on the playground and I threw a snowball at a classmate. I was reported, and got into "big" trouble, which resulted in a scolding from my teacher, having to make a written apology, and having my parents called. That was a big deal, and it totally sucked. I regretted throwing that snowball after receiving punishment.
I've experienced regret after spreading rumors about friends, failing to get into my college of choice, intentionally aggravating my girlfriend, not maintaining my car and having it break beyond repair, and not getting a job after botching an interview. Some disappointments were more difficult to deal with than others.
But I'm working on it. As our lives progress (e.g. from child to teen to adult), the stakes rise; the scope of potential consequences for our actions increases. But also our understanding of ourselves, and our connection to the world. In the end, what's important is our hierarchy of values. And these values change as we grow, altering our reactions to regretful things.
My current primary values involve growing, learning, and evolving. Experiencing, exploring, and being passionate. Being happy. Then comes the job, the college, the car, etc. When I experience regret, I make earnest attempts at growing and learning from it. Becoming stronger and smarter. Acknowledging it, and then moving on. And that's the way that I think regret should be dealt with. Not ignored or repressed. Not by obsessing or being overly emotional. Those are convenient reactions, and we all may fall into them every now and then. But maintaining a strong hierarchy of values can prevent regret from eating us up on the inside.
posted by Ted Miin at 4/11/2007 01:21:00 PM
1 Comments:
It is in our effort that we find our success. If that is your mindset, at least. Read more: http://www.stanfordalumni.org/news/magazine/2007/marapr/features/dweck.html
I hope your primary values never change
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