Re: What importance or significance do you place on family? Would you marry someone from a "bad" family?
This is a very interesting question that I think is becoming more and more of an issue for today's American (and perhaps other cultures as well, but I haven't done enough research to know for sure); thanks for asking. My two cents:
Family is composed of many different combinations of relationships, including husband-wife, parent-child, and sibling-sibling. One may also include permutations of 3+ family members, or distinguish between father-son and father-daughter, and brother-brother and brother-sister, etc., but that involves detail that's not crucial to the original question. As the family operates today, all of the different relationships in the family are important for the learning, growing, and development of its constituent members; some have greater potential impact than others. For children, family is an unofficial school for ethics, belief, wisdom, values, and an unaccountable number of other details that shape individual character.
One may approach family from two different directions: as a conceptual ideal of connections that hold inherent value, or as an ambiguous connection between biologically related individuals. Those that follow the stronger ideal are more likely to perform altruistic acts for their family members without need for rationale. Those following the weaker ideal may use the familial relationships strategically, and leave the family if it becomes rational. The latter probably sounds very selfish and cold, but I think that is a mentality that is increasing in popularity as people become increasingly independent and focused on individual accomplishment and success.
I have not been a husband or father, so I can not relate personal experiences and thought as a person in those roles. As a child and sibling, I've come to many conclusions about my position in the family. Having and raising children is a huge investment in time and money. The act and process itself may be rewarding to the parents. Or the parents may be expecting a return in their investment. Or hope to continue their legacy. Or some combination of those reasons. Or it all simply happens, is a part of life, and holds no special significance or reason. Culture has a big effect on the reasons for having children, and it is interesting to think about how they have developed.
I think that some sort of family is important for the healthy development of any human being. That would include the traditional family, any individual and their rolemodels, life-coaches and life-teachers, and any individual with friends to learn and develop from/with. People are resilient, and families can be developed in a variety of settings.
The specific values of families vary a lot from person to person. Some have greater needs and desires for a family than others. Some find truly great substitutes. Some are lucky to have family members that are and become people with whom they match with well and connect with deeply. This is an interesting bit, because you do not choose your family members. It is not uncommon for you to like and connect more with your friends than you do with your family. It should be expected, because you had the option to choose your friends from (likely) a very large number of people.
Would I marry someone from a "bad" family? Certainly. When it comes to marriage or any serious long-term relationship, the most important thing is my partner, and my connection with her. If we are right for each other, then that is all I need. I know that many people have strong desires for great extended families, relationships with in-laws, and all that, but I don't value those relationships as highly as my relationship with my partner.
Family is composed of many different combinations of relationships, including husband-wife, parent-child, and sibling-sibling. One may also include permutations of 3+ family members, or distinguish between father-son and father-daughter, and brother-brother and brother-sister, etc., but that involves detail that's not crucial to the original question. As the family operates today, all of the different relationships in the family are important for the learning, growing, and development of its constituent members; some have greater potential impact than others. For children, family is an unofficial school for ethics, belief, wisdom, values, and an unaccountable number of other details that shape individual character.
One may approach family from two different directions: as a conceptual ideal of connections that hold inherent value, or as an ambiguous connection between biologically related individuals. Those that follow the stronger ideal are more likely to perform altruistic acts for their family members without need for rationale. Those following the weaker ideal may use the familial relationships strategically, and leave the family if it becomes rational. The latter probably sounds very selfish and cold, but I think that is a mentality that is increasing in popularity as people become increasingly independent and focused on individual accomplishment and success.
I have not been a husband or father, so I can not relate personal experiences and thought as a person in those roles. As a child and sibling, I've come to many conclusions about my position in the family. Having and raising children is a huge investment in time and money. The act and process itself may be rewarding to the parents. Or the parents may be expecting a return in their investment. Or hope to continue their legacy. Or some combination of those reasons. Or it all simply happens, is a part of life, and holds no special significance or reason. Culture has a big effect on the reasons for having children, and it is interesting to think about how they have developed.
I think that some sort of family is important for the healthy development of any human being. That would include the traditional family, any individual and their rolemodels, life-coaches and life-teachers, and any individual with friends to learn and develop from/with. People are resilient, and families can be developed in a variety of settings.
The specific values of families vary a lot from person to person. Some have greater needs and desires for a family than others. Some find truly great substitutes. Some are lucky to have family members that are and become people with whom they match with well and connect with deeply. This is an interesting bit, because you do not choose your family members. It is not uncommon for you to like and connect more with your friends than you do with your family. It should be expected, because you had the option to choose your friends from (likely) a very large number of people.
Would I marry someone from a "bad" family? Certainly. When it comes to marriage or any serious long-term relationship, the most important thing is my partner, and my connection with her. If we are right for each other, then that is all I need. I know that many people have strong desires for great extended families, relationships with in-laws, and all that, but I don't value those relationships as highly as my relationship with my partner.
posted by Ted Miin at 4/15/2007 03:24:00 PM
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